Whatever Happened to Borrowing a Cup of Sugar?

The lost art of being a good neighbor. 

By Melissa Gilbert

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a good neighbor.

When I was growing up, it meant more than simply living next door. You borrowed a cup of sugar if you were baking something and realized you were out. You dropped off chicken noodle soup when someone was sick. You shared the tomatoes you couldn’t possibly eat before they spoiled. You checked in on the woman down the street who lived alone. If somebody needed an extra pair of hands, you showed up.

Nobody called it volunteering or community service. You were just being a good neighbor.

Somewhere along the way, we became more isolated. These days, those little acts of kindness that happen in our communities tend to be more rare.

Yet in September, as we came together for Hunger Action Month, I got to see so much of that old-fashioned neighborly spirit in action.

Chef Cheryl and I spent time with A Single Bite, preparing and delivering food to families in Sullivan County, New York. Nicole joined members of our community at Second Harvest Food Bank of Orange County, where they helped inspect and prepare thousands of pounds of fresh produce for local families.

And then there was our Modern Prairie Warehouse Sale in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin. People showed up to shop, of course. But so many of them also walked through the doors carrying bags and boxes of food for those in need. By the end of the day, our community had donated nearly 1,200 pounds of food to a local food pantry.

I keep thinking about that. These were completely different places and different ways of helping, but the inspiration behind all of them was the same: Someone around me could use a little help. What can I do?

And the wonderful thing is, we don’t need an organized event or an official volunteer day to answer that question. You can bring someone a loaf of banana bread or make an extra batch of your famous casserole for a friend who’s had a rough week. Maybe you share the last flowers or vegetables from your garden or take in your next door neighbor’s trash cans because you’re right there, why not? Or perhaps it’s time to check on an older neighbor or finally introduce yourself to that person who moved in a few doors down months ago.

I’d love to see us bring back another thing I miss: Write someone a note.

Not a text or an email. An actual little note, hand-written by you. Leave it on a doorstep or pop it in the mail to someone you’ve been thinking about. Thank somebody for something they did years ago that you still remember. It doesn’t need to be beautifully written, and you certainly don’t need fancy stationery. A scrap of paper that says, “I was thinking about you today,” can be enough.

You could even leave a note somewhere unexpected for a stranger to find that says something like, “I hope something wonderful happens to you today.”

Sometimes that’s all we’re really trying to say (or need to hear): I see you. I’m thinking about you.

Couldn’t we all use a little more of that?

Being a good neighbor also means paying attention. Who haven’t you seen lately? Who has their hands full? Who might be lonely? Who could use a little encouragement—or maybe just someone to sit beside them with a cup of coffee and no agenda whatsoever?

Come to think of it, being a good neighbor isn’t really a lost art. I believe we’ve just gotten a little out of practice.

So, I have a challenge for us this October: Do one neighborly thing.

It doesn’t have to cost anything. You don’t have to post about it on social media. In fact, nobody else even needs to know you did it. Make something. Share something. Write the note. Knock on the door. Just take a look around your little corner of the world and ask: Who could use a neighbor today?

And then, be that good neighbor.

Because the community we’ve created at Modern Prairie shouldn’t exist only here, online. We get to carry it with us—into our neighborhoods, our towns, and all the places where we live our lives. That’s how communities have always been built—one doorstep, one meal, one handwritten note, one conversation, one helping hand, and yes, maybe even one borrowed cup of sugar at a time.

This story was featured in First Fridays, our monthly gathering from Melissa Gilbert and Modern Prairie. Subscribe to join us on the first Friday of every month.